guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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