I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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