phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
