i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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