I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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