Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
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It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
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I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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