pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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