My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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