Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize