I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
