Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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