Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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