Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
