that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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