For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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