I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
