Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
