38 yer olds are good kisserssss
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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