What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
