Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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