if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
