we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
