So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
