apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
