If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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