It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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