What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
