I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
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