do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
