i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
