Welp...herpes.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
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surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You may now shotgun with the bride
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The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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