just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
