Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize