4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize