I can feel you judging me through the phone.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
