she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
