I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
