This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
