dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
