She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
