just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
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