Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
