.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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