I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
