Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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