Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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