This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
