I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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