yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
