my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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