Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
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Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
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getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.