Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....