Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.