I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!