but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
