Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
