It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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