You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
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There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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