It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
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It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
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His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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