i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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