She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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