I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
