wakey wakey hands off snakey
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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