i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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