He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
