yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
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