Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
