Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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